The Sh#% They Should Have Told You

I’ve always had a dream to teach a college class for education majors called, The Sh#% That You Really Need to Know: A Teacher’s Guide to Surviving Your First Year. Instead of learning about the pedagogy and theories behind education and how students learn, it would be a crash course on planning actual lessons, deciding what is important in the curriculum and just general overall survival skills for your first year. Now, to make a long story short (if you know me at all, you know I like to ramble about other things before I get to my actual point), I feel like someone should had offered this class for expectant parents. The email/smart phone updates are helpful, and the online videos/T.V. shows do offer  a snapshot into the whole parenthood experience, but there are so many things that no one tells you about until they are staring you in the face.

1.      Kankles (dictionary definition- the swelling that takes place in ones ankles so that their calves and ankles look as though they are the same shape up and down) – holy pitting edema batman. Even wearing the loosest socks, I have indentations, not to mention my toes that resemble sausages. I know everyone talks about swelling, but until you see “fat” rolls on your own feet, I’m not sure you are prepared for it. 

2.      Carpal Tunnel – This is not the “slight stiffness” my doctor referred to. This is full on rigor mortis, except I’m still breathing.  I have finally resorted to sleeping with wrists splints on to alleviate “the claw” when I wake up.  The constant numbness is also not appreciated. See picture… not cute.



 

Okay, maybe the sleeping kitty is a little much, but
that is definitely what my hands feel like in the morning.



3.      Frumpy-ness – I don’t know if this is an actual medical condition, but the maternity photos of cute people in their skinny jeans and their non-swollen faces isn’t a reality for me. I don’t understand how people don’t live in sweatpants 24/7. *may have something to do with having twins.. but I seriously doubt it.



Cute



Not Cute





4.      Swelling/Edema – (see water retention) – I can’t talk about this in as much detail as I would if you gave me a bottle of red wine… but everything swells!! Seriously, they don’t tell you about this…

     
       All ranting asides, things for the Lang Nuggets are going well. Chad and I have been blessed with such supportive families, co-workers and friends that have all contributed to helping us be prepared for our new nuggets.  The private baby planner I hired *Brooke Herman- organizer extraordinaire* has helped organize all of those wonderful gifts and has my nursery ready for business. Most importantly, the nuggets are still cooking and growing. At my 33 week Perinatologist appointment, the doctor said that things are looking great. Everyone has plenty of amniotic fluid and they are both continuing to pass their weekly tests (suck, swallow, practice breathing, and body movement) and besides a few trips to labor & delivery to stop contractions things are going quite well. Although, I have to admit, I could have shed some tears walking out of the perinatal office today... I’m overjoyed and thankful to the big guy upstairs that the twinkies are doing so well, but I’m ready for these nuggets to move out. Guess we will continue the wait and see game for at least another week or two.